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Russian Ambassador Assassinated in Turkey

Is this our archduke moment? Is the world on the brink of an all consuming world war? Does it begin with a tweet?

There's a voice in me saying to calm down, don't make waves, but... how can I drown out the rest of me that's screaming how insane this all is? Marc doesn't want to talk about it- I think mostly out of self preservation. It's just too much to process and it's maddening when you're seeing these patterns that so many people seem colorblind to.

I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if we can fix it- we've already proven ourselves to be creatures of habit and maybe this is what we've been careening towards all along.

But I never want to have to say I told you so.

Holy Hell It's Been Five Years!

Holy hell... Five years later and... lordy where do I begin?

Who was this mopey kid plastering her heart all over the internet? I mean, in my defense, I think social media has evolved to a far more public forum than I ever imagined it would be in my earlier years but... I'll say it again... Holy hell.

Well it's now 2016. I cringe at all the pining I did back in the day- especially knowing how most of those guys wound up- some unemployed- some openly gay... some even wound up being lifelong friends- even one or two at my wedding... and the idea that love was something mysterious and the romanticized self abuse... well... I guess we've all gotta start somewhere. And happily I'm now married to my best friend who has never ONCE made me feel the way I spent so many nights feeling in my late teens and early twenties (see: confused, undervalued, unrecognized, objectified, etc). So that's way rad.

Also, although I still stress about money, it's definitely something I'm much more comfortable with now. And my dad and I are on good terms again. So there's a few more in the yay present me category!

That all being said, I miss how much poetry I used to write. As overly dramatic and at times cliche as it all was, at least I was crafting things and making statements on the internet that weren't heavily filtered for mass consumption... so... maybe I bring that back to the old livejournal. Middle aged poetry.

Ressurecting my Livejournal: The Hipster Wetdream

The saga continues...

Nov. 4th, 2011

I've had to watch two things die in my hands tonight.
Wishing I had built my walls just a little higher... this hurts.

I'm not stupid and you're not fooling anyone. This was a bad idea... Ugh... One more day and then I can go home... Just gotta hang in til then.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

It's kind of like having the wind knocked out of your stomach. The whole world resets and you have to start from scratch. I want to be held by someone who wants nothing from me.

Sep. 5th, 2011

I have dreams of Paris, and how we could belong there... but we could belong anywhere. We would thrive though, we were built for that. We would play in the cities of the world until we fell into bed, laughing, and sleeping only to dream of the days we've lived, just to do it all twice.

Aug. 30th, 2011

I'd like to be untouchable, but only because no one will touch me and I'd like to have a reason.

I close my eyes and you're almost here but wanting makes waste, so I will feign indifference until you become tangible once again.

The steps I might take are daunting and the stuff of dreams. The hardest part is saying yes.
These nights we run from sleep and make deals with our devils just to feel a little less. The only sin is expectation.

Aug. 10th, 2011

Every night, I would write you love letters, but who wants to be that needy?